You got a tattoo where?

So before my diagnosis, only a year ago, if you had told me I would have a boob job, a shaved head and a tattoo a year later I would have laughed you right out of my house. But here I am with perky girls, barely-there-hair and a boob covered with vaseline and plastic wrap. Today was the beginning of the last step in my breast reconstruction - my areola tattoo. If you'll remember, I had a nipple sparing mastectomy last April. Not all of the nipple and areola tissue survived the surgery, so I was left with a very faint and discolored areola and more of a nubble than a nipple. So this procedure makes that area look normal again.

The procedure was done at a medical dermatologists office where they do permanent cosmetic makeup, medical peels, injectibles, and also areola restoration. A few before photos were taken and then different shades of dye were swabbed on my left breast to match the color. It looked like a bunch of foundation samples from the department store cosmetics counter. Measurements were taken, lines were drawn and the color selected. I've never seen a tattoo applied before, except on TLC, so I wasn't sure what to expect. The little tattoo gun looked like it does on tv and the technician dipped it in the dye and then applied it to my skin. Luckily I still have no feeling in the right breast, so I didn't feel anything more than a slight vibration as the tattoo was applied. The application took maybe 30 minutes. Easy and painless with instant results - these are the types of procedures I like! So now, the right breast looks much more normal than it did before. The tattoo is redder than the areola on the left, but she said it will calm down over the next few days. I need to keep it covered with vaseline and plastic wrap for the week and then I can show it off. I'll get a second application in about a month to prevent the dye from fading. After that my reconstruction will be complete! I like forward progress.

Everything else is fantastic. I've ditched the wig for a short, dark boyish haircut. My hair is growing, but of course not as fast as I would like. I feel good and energetic and almost back to normal. At my last doctor's appointment I was told pretty much the only things to do to prevent the cancer from coming back was to exercise regularly (30 minutes a day) and eat a well balanced diet. Since I was pretty much doing that before I got breast cancer I got a little snotty. I'm frustrated that breast cancer is so common and there's still no information other than "be healthy" available. So I've stepped up my broccoli and brussel sprout intake and reduced my processed sugar. I'm taking vitamin supplements and trying to avoid stress. Basically I'm trying to live a balanced and happy life. And because I have such wonderful friends and family like you it's not that hard to do! Have a great day!

P.S. I Didn't Really Get the DDs!

Just in case you were wondering...

What a Difference a Year Makes

Can you believe it's been almost a year since I started my excellent cancer adventure? I learned of my diagnosis on February 28, 2010. You have all supported me so much over the past year - I am forever thankful! It's been a while since I've posted so here's what's new with me...

Chemo - I continue to receive the herceptin infusions every 3 weeks and will continue to do so until June. No side effects to report, so it's really no sweat.

Hair - Yes it's growing! My eyebrows are back and so are my eyelashes. What a difference they make! My hair is growing in thick and dark mixed with lots of gray. I'm wondering if the gray will stay or if it's an effect of the herceptin (that's what I'm hoping!) It's about an inch long and I'm ready to hang up the wigs, but my kids are not. They have the final say in when I can go wigless in public, so for now the wigs stay.

Boobs - Their shape and size are way better than they've ever been! I got to go bra shopping and get all new much larger under garments - how fun is that? Did you know the women at Nordstrom stay in the dressing room with you and help you put the bras on? I've been wearing them for at least 25 years - I think I can do it myself. But once I got over myself it was actually very helpful to have someone else in the room :) Everything is healed and looking and feeling good. I have my next appointment with my surgeon on February 28 where I think I get my areola/nipple tattoo on the right side. Now that will be an interesting day! Stay tuned...

Tests - I have an echocardiogram every 6 weeks to make sure the herceptin isn't damaging my heart. My last one was Feb 3 and so far everything is fine.

Public Speaking - I did a speech about my experience with breast cancer for my public speaking class - 15 minutes of just me talking with no podium! I managed to make the class laugh a few times and I didn't cry (that was my goal!) I was pretty proud of myself and to top it all off, I got an A in the class!

Tamoxifen - After pledging that I would take it in December, I never picked up my prescription. I've been feeling really good - almost normal. The hot flashes are gone, my emotions are in check, I'm sleeping all night, and I just couldn't convince myself to trade in all this feeling good and feeling like my body is mine again by messing with my hormones. Plus the reconstructive surgery for me symbolized the end of my treatment (except for the herceptin) and starting a new drug regiment would have depressed me and made me feel like the cancer was still calling the shots. After a year, I don't want to be a cancer patient anymore. It sucks! So it was a my-life-is-moving-forward-I-hope-I-don't-regret-this-decision kind of decision. I'm good with it (even though I know a lot of you disagree with me - but I realize you just want the best for me and don't want the stupid cancer to come back!) So at this point I am not taking the drug.

So now you're caught up! Life is busily normal which is great. I'm running again (to try to lose the extra 5-10 lbs I put on during treatment) and feel really good. I really can't thank you all enough for the year of support. I'll keep you posted on my progress!

The Girls!

Surgery last Friday went well. The worst part is the prep - IV stabbings and the needles in my back for the nerve block. After that I went off to sleep and woke up with a great rack! I was sent home Friday afternoon and was not allowed to remove any of the gauze or the very tight support bra until seeing my surgeon on Monday for a follow-up visit. So I looked like Dolly Parton over the weekend swollen and stuffed with 7 lbs. of gauze. I was a bit worried that my surgeon had decided to see how large she could make my breasts before I would fall over. But on Monday when everything was unwrapped I was pleased to see 2 breasts that were the same shape and size (1st time in more than 6 months!) and they were the right proportion for my body. Unbelievable! I still have tape over my stitches and scars so I haven't been able to see those yet, but they don't look too bad from what I can see. The pain has been manageable, only tylenol if anything. I have to stay in the support bra until Monday and then I can wear anything I want. No exercise or lifting anything over 10 lbs. for a month. So by January 1, I'll be able to have my life back.

I had my herceptin infusion on Wednesday. That was uneventful except that the needle hurt which was to be expected since I had had surgery a few days before at the same spot.

I visited my smart ass oncologist today. He asked what hurt more, the surgery or the Chargers loss to the Raiders. Can I get a new doctor please? As my mom says, I've met my match. Anyway, everything checks out fine. We had a talk about how I would know if the cancer came back. If it were to come back it will most likely be in my bones, liver or brain. There's not really an easy way to tell if cancer is growing in these spots, so I need to report any pain that is getting worse (rather than getting better) in those areas. And as you know I've been very negative about taking tamoxifen. But after Elizabeth Edwards died this week, I thought if my cancer were to come back and I had not taken tamoxifen I would never forgive myself. I don't like to operate out of fear, but this is brain, bone & liver cancer we're talking about. So, my oncologist wrote me a prescription. I'm not going to pick it up until after Christmas. Then I'll take it until my herceptin is done (6 more months) since it will be the most effective while taken together. After that I'll decide whether to continue or not. So if I'm bitchy in January, I'm blaming my hormone levels. Just so you know!

Thanks for all of the support surrounding my surgery last week!

Count Down to Surgery

Wow, I went the entire month of November without a blog? Thankfully I haven't had to be too worried about the cancer for a while! Here's my quick update:

Hair - yes it's finally growing! I have about as much hair on my head as when I first shaved it back in June. My eyebrows have completely grown back and I am back to shaving my legs (boo!). My eye lashes are still very sparse, but I'm hopeful they'll grow back in full force too.

Hot Flashes - Seem to be gone (but I don't want to jinx it, so I'm not saying anything more)

Herceptin - Still getting it every 3 weeks, but am not experiencing any side effects so other than the pain of going to the infusion center and getting IV'd on a regular basis it's pretty easy.

Foob - My next surgery is scheduled for Friday. I'll have the expander removed from my foob and replaced with an implant. I am very excited to have a "real" boob rather than the alien version I have now. My doctor asked, "So you want to go bigger than this one right?" Is she crazy? My foob's been bumping into things for months. No thank you! I'll keep my tiny boobies please. On the left side (my cancer-free, up-until-now-surgery-free boob) I'll also be getting an implant and a bit of a lift (boo gravity!) so my 2 girls will actually match each other. Very excited about that! After this surgery, I will probably need one surgery more after my port comes out and then I'll get a fake nipple attached to the foob (it's a nubble right now) after that. So I'm not completely done yet, but Friday's surgery will go a long way in bringing me back to normal.

Margaritas, Herceptin and an Echocardiogram

I decided that after depriving my body of an adult beverage for this long that tequila might not be a good way to get my feet wet. I'm not really a dive-right-in kind of girl - I'm more of a let's-test-the-water-first person. So at last Sunday's Chargers game I left the margaritas at home and went with Coors Light instead - 3 to be exact (or was it 4?) They were refreshing and delicious just as I remembered. I probably should have had the tequila after the Chargers pathetic performance, but if I start drinking every time I'm frustrated with the Chargers I would never be sober. But I digress...

I went for my first herceptin-only infusion on Wednesday. Herceptin is the drug that targets my Human Epidermal Growth Factor Receptor 2 (HER2) cells which are overexpressed in my body and therefore encourage cancer cells to grow. I've been receiving herceptin in my chemo cocktails, but now am receiving only it. There are no side effects so I wasn't worried about it at all. When I got settled in the infusion center I felt really low. I've been so relieved and excited about finishing my chemotherapy and here I was sitting right back in the infusion center with the same needle in my port connected to the same IV machine. Yes, it was for a much shorter stay (only 30 minutes to receive the IV) but other than that nothing had changed. I better get used to it - I have 11 more infusions before I'm done in June 2011. And so far, so good - no side effects or anything yet so that is fantastic!

I met with my doctor before the infusion and we discussed the tamoxifen hormone treatment again. He said that all of the studies of tamoxifen were done before the discovery of HER2 and triple positive breast cancer so he can't tell me what the benefit would be to take the drug. He said in small animals growing human cancer tumors there seems to be a benefit to taking tamoxifen along with herceptin. You know, I'm just not sold on the small animal research argument when it comes to putting even more meds in my body. So we agreed to continue to disagree and let my body detox for awhile before discussing it again. I think he thinks he can wear me down by recommending tamoxifen on every doctor's visit. What he doesn't know is that the cancer cells have not affected my stubborn cells so he's in for an awfully long conversation. I hope he takes rejection well.

On Thursday I had a follow-up echocardiogram. Herceptin and the other chemo drugs can damage my heart, so I need to get it checked periodically. If you remember my post in June about the first echocardiogram you'll know this was my favorite test. I get to lie on a bed in a dark room listening to the swooshing of my heart with warm goo being rubbed on my chest. Maybe I'm a bit odd, but I found it very relaxing! The technician said that (unofficially of course) everything looked good, so that's a relief.

And if you're keeping score at home, hot flashes are still winning over hair growth. I'm hoping that will change soon.

Chemo #6 Complete!

On October 6 I completed my last round of chemotherapy. I got to sit at a station with a fantastic garden view. It was very nice to be able to look out the window and not at another station's divider curtain for 6 hours. I had friends and family bring lunch and come visit. All in all it was a nice time. When I finished, the nurses and my family were congratulating me for finishing with the hard stuff. I felt like it wasn't that big of a deal, because I knew I had the hard part yet to come over the weekend. But as soon as I got in my car by myself I started crying. I'm not sure why - it must have been from relief to be done with the chemo and the sickness that comes with it. I cried all the way home and then sucked it up and was fine.

I had my usual doctor's appointment before the infusion. Everything checked out fine. My doctor and I are disagreeing about me taking tamoxifen. It's a drug that reduces estrogen levels that is commonly prescribed for women with estrogen receptive breast cancer like mine. I don't want to take it, because I feel like my body has had enough crap put into it in the past 5 months and I would like to detox and work on naturally boosting my immune system. I don't want to sign on for 5 years of taking a hormone regulating drug. My doctor then suggested just taking it for the next 9 months while I'm receiving the herceptin. I'm considering, but am not convinced. If it is effective at reducing the risk of breast cancer recurrence with only 9 months of treatment, why prescribe the original 5 years? I feel like because it's so commonly prescribed that I'm receiving a cookie-cutter prescription and don't like it. Since my cancer is both estrogen and her-2 positive, I can't get a straight answer for increased survival rates by taking the tamoxifen. The chemotherapy and herceptin were supposed to reduce my chance of recurrence from 50% to 15%. If the tamoxifen reduced that recurrence rate to 5% or less, it might be worth drugging myself for 5 years, but otherwise I'm not interested.

At the same appointment, I asked my doctor when I could have a margarita (it's been 5 months people!). Since he's a smart ass like me he said as soon as I start taking my tamoxifen. Very funny doc... He then recanted and said 3 weeks, which is October 27. I figure the Chargers game on the 24th is close enough, so I'm planning to enjoy an adult beverage during the tailgate. Plus, how can you watch the Chargers this season without alcohol? Painful! But that's a post for my Fire Norv/Crosby's a Boob blog.

So, I received my last chemo infusion on Wednesday, October 6. Usually I would start to feel tired on Friday afternoon and sick on Saturday morning. Well this round hit faster and harder than the others. By Thursday mid-day I was nauseous and exhausted. It didn't matter that I took the anti-nausea drugs, I was still nauseous. I ate crackers every 15 minutes or so to keep something in my stomach and it helped a bit. By Sunday afternoon I was recovering and the nausea subsided. I have continued to be tired, even today, but I guess it's to be expected.

So next steps are to continue receiving the herceptin and reconstructive surgery. I've been receiving herceptin as part of my chemotherapy cocktail, but now I will just get it every 3 weeks. It's still given through the port in my chest, so I'll have that lovely accessory under my skin until next June. I'm scheduled for surgery on December 3. That I'm looking forward to! Other than that I'm waiting for my hair to grow and the hot flashes to subside.

All in all, the chemotherapy was not that bad. The infusions were painless and ended up being a great way to catch up with family and friends. The side effects were not fun, but I really was only sick 2-3 days with each round. I was tired a lot, but tired is manageable. The hair loss sucks, but the wigs are kind of fun and it's shaved 20 minutes off my morning routine. I would definitely not want to do it all again, but survived just fine. I am so grateful to all of you for the encouragement and support you have given me. My experience would have been much different without all of you rooting me on and praying for my recovery. I am very blessed to have you all in my life!