The Girls!

Surgery last Friday went well. The worst part is the prep - IV stabbings and the needles in my back for the nerve block. After that I went off to sleep and woke up with a great rack! I was sent home Friday afternoon and was not allowed to remove any of the gauze or the very tight support bra until seeing my surgeon on Monday for a follow-up visit. So I looked like Dolly Parton over the weekend swollen and stuffed with 7 lbs. of gauze. I was a bit worried that my surgeon had decided to see how large she could make my breasts before I would fall over. But on Monday when everything was unwrapped I was pleased to see 2 breasts that were the same shape and size (1st time in more than 6 months!) and they were the right proportion for my body. Unbelievable! I still have tape over my stitches and scars so I haven't been able to see those yet, but they don't look too bad from what I can see. The pain has been manageable, only tylenol if anything. I have to stay in the support bra until Monday and then I can wear anything I want. No exercise or lifting anything over 10 lbs. for a month. So by January 1, I'll be able to have my life back.

I had my herceptin infusion on Wednesday. That was uneventful except that the needle hurt which was to be expected since I had had surgery a few days before at the same spot.

I visited my smart ass oncologist today. He asked what hurt more, the surgery or the Chargers loss to the Raiders. Can I get a new doctor please? As my mom says, I've met my match. Anyway, everything checks out fine. We had a talk about how I would know if the cancer came back. If it were to come back it will most likely be in my bones, liver or brain. There's not really an easy way to tell if cancer is growing in these spots, so I need to report any pain that is getting worse (rather than getting better) in those areas. And as you know I've been very negative about taking tamoxifen. But after Elizabeth Edwards died this week, I thought if my cancer were to come back and I had not taken tamoxifen I would never forgive myself. I don't like to operate out of fear, but this is brain, bone & liver cancer we're talking about. So, my oncologist wrote me a prescription. I'm not going to pick it up until after Christmas. Then I'll take it until my herceptin is done (6 more months) since it will be the most effective while taken together. After that I'll decide whether to continue or not. So if I'm bitchy in January, I'm blaming my hormone levels. Just so you know!

Thanks for all of the support surrounding my surgery last week!

Count Down to Surgery

Wow, I went the entire month of November without a blog? Thankfully I haven't had to be too worried about the cancer for a while! Here's my quick update:

Hair - yes it's finally growing! I have about as much hair on my head as when I first shaved it back in June. My eyebrows have completely grown back and I am back to shaving my legs (boo!). My eye lashes are still very sparse, but I'm hopeful they'll grow back in full force too.

Hot Flashes - Seem to be gone (but I don't want to jinx it, so I'm not saying anything more)

Herceptin - Still getting it every 3 weeks, but am not experiencing any side effects so other than the pain of going to the infusion center and getting IV'd on a regular basis it's pretty easy.

Foob - My next surgery is scheduled for Friday. I'll have the expander removed from my foob and replaced with an implant. I am very excited to have a "real" boob rather than the alien version I have now. My doctor asked, "So you want to go bigger than this one right?" Is she crazy? My foob's been bumping into things for months. No thank you! I'll keep my tiny boobies please. On the left side (my cancer-free, up-until-now-surgery-free boob) I'll also be getting an implant and a bit of a lift (boo gravity!) so my 2 girls will actually match each other. Very excited about that! After this surgery, I will probably need one surgery more after my port comes out and then I'll get a fake nipple attached to the foob (it's a nubble right now) after that. So I'm not completely done yet, but Friday's surgery will go a long way in bringing me back to normal.

Margaritas, Herceptin and an Echocardiogram

I decided that after depriving my body of an adult beverage for this long that tequila might not be a good way to get my feet wet. I'm not really a dive-right-in kind of girl - I'm more of a let's-test-the-water-first person. So at last Sunday's Chargers game I left the margaritas at home and went with Coors Light instead - 3 to be exact (or was it 4?) They were refreshing and delicious just as I remembered. I probably should have had the tequila after the Chargers pathetic performance, but if I start drinking every time I'm frustrated with the Chargers I would never be sober. But I digress...

I went for my first herceptin-only infusion on Wednesday. Herceptin is the drug that targets my Human Epidermal Growth Factor Receptor 2 (HER2) cells which are overexpressed in my body and therefore encourage cancer cells to grow. I've been receiving herceptin in my chemo cocktails, but now am receiving only it. There are no side effects so I wasn't worried about it at all. When I got settled in the infusion center I felt really low. I've been so relieved and excited about finishing my chemotherapy and here I was sitting right back in the infusion center with the same needle in my port connected to the same IV machine. Yes, it was for a much shorter stay (only 30 minutes to receive the IV) but other than that nothing had changed. I better get used to it - I have 11 more infusions before I'm done in June 2011. And so far, so good - no side effects or anything yet so that is fantastic!

I met with my doctor before the infusion and we discussed the tamoxifen hormone treatment again. He said that all of the studies of tamoxifen were done before the discovery of HER2 and triple positive breast cancer so he can't tell me what the benefit would be to take the drug. He said in small animals growing human cancer tumors there seems to be a benefit to taking tamoxifen along with herceptin. You know, I'm just not sold on the small animal research argument when it comes to putting even more meds in my body. So we agreed to continue to disagree and let my body detox for awhile before discussing it again. I think he thinks he can wear me down by recommending tamoxifen on every doctor's visit. What he doesn't know is that the cancer cells have not affected my stubborn cells so he's in for an awfully long conversation. I hope he takes rejection well.

On Thursday I had a follow-up echocardiogram. Herceptin and the other chemo drugs can damage my heart, so I need to get it checked periodically. If you remember my post in June about the first echocardiogram you'll know this was my favorite test. I get to lie on a bed in a dark room listening to the swooshing of my heart with warm goo being rubbed on my chest. Maybe I'm a bit odd, but I found it very relaxing! The technician said that (unofficially of course) everything looked good, so that's a relief.

And if you're keeping score at home, hot flashes are still winning over hair growth. I'm hoping that will change soon.

Chemo #6 Complete!

On October 6 I completed my last round of chemotherapy. I got to sit at a station with a fantastic garden view. It was very nice to be able to look out the window and not at another station's divider curtain for 6 hours. I had friends and family bring lunch and come visit. All in all it was a nice time. When I finished, the nurses and my family were congratulating me for finishing with the hard stuff. I felt like it wasn't that big of a deal, because I knew I had the hard part yet to come over the weekend. But as soon as I got in my car by myself I started crying. I'm not sure why - it must have been from relief to be done with the chemo and the sickness that comes with it. I cried all the way home and then sucked it up and was fine.

I had my usual doctor's appointment before the infusion. Everything checked out fine. My doctor and I are disagreeing about me taking tamoxifen. It's a drug that reduces estrogen levels that is commonly prescribed for women with estrogen receptive breast cancer like mine. I don't want to take it, because I feel like my body has had enough crap put into it in the past 5 months and I would like to detox and work on naturally boosting my immune system. I don't want to sign on for 5 years of taking a hormone regulating drug. My doctor then suggested just taking it for the next 9 months while I'm receiving the herceptin. I'm considering, but am not convinced. If it is effective at reducing the risk of breast cancer recurrence with only 9 months of treatment, why prescribe the original 5 years? I feel like because it's so commonly prescribed that I'm receiving a cookie-cutter prescription and don't like it. Since my cancer is both estrogen and her-2 positive, I can't get a straight answer for increased survival rates by taking the tamoxifen. The chemotherapy and herceptin were supposed to reduce my chance of recurrence from 50% to 15%. If the tamoxifen reduced that recurrence rate to 5% or less, it might be worth drugging myself for 5 years, but otherwise I'm not interested.

At the same appointment, I asked my doctor when I could have a margarita (it's been 5 months people!). Since he's a smart ass like me he said as soon as I start taking my tamoxifen. Very funny doc... He then recanted and said 3 weeks, which is October 27. I figure the Chargers game on the 24th is close enough, so I'm planning to enjoy an adult beverage during the tailgate. Plus, how can you watch the Chargers this season without alcohol? Painful! But that's a post for my Fire Norv/Crosby's a Boob blog.

So, I received my last chemo infusion on Wednesday, October 6. Usually I would start to feel tired on Friday afternoon and sick on Saturday morning. Well this round hit faster and harder than the others. By Thursday mid-day I was nauseous and exhausted. It didn't matter that I took the anti-nausea drugs, I was still nauseous. I ate crackers every 15 minutes or so to keep something in my stomach and it helped a bit. By Sunday afternoon I was recovering and the nausea subsided. I have continued to be tired, even today, but I guess it's to be expected.

So next steps are to continue receiving the herceptin and reconstructive surgery. I've been receiving herceptin as part of my chemotherapy cocktail, but now I will just get it every 3 weeks. It's still given through the port in my chest, so I'll have that lovely accessory under my skin until next June. I'm scheduled for surgery on December 3. That I'm looking forward to! Other than that I'm waiting for my hair to grow and the hot flashes to subside.

All in all, the chemotherapy was not that bad. The infusions were painless and ended up being a great way to catch up with family and friends. The side effects were not fun, but I really was only sick 2-3 days with each round. I was tired a lot, but tired is manageable. The hair loss sucks, but the wigs are kind of fun and it's shaved 20 minutes off my morning routine. I would definitely not want to do it all again, but survived just fine. I am so grateful to all of you for the encouragement and support you have given me. My experience would have been much different without all of you rooting me on and praying for my recovery. I am very blessed to have you all in my life!

God Bless Sephora!

I did something Wednesday afternoon that I have never done before. I set aside my intimidation and walked into the Sephora cosmetics store in Fashion Valley. I know most of you girls love this place, but I never got into the whole make-up thing. A little mascara, a little lip gloss and I'm out the door. Guys - Sephora is kind of like Best Buy for cosmetics. There are so many tubes, bottles, powders and potions that it will make your head spin!

My eyebrows and eye lashes have started falling out. It's slight, but becoming noticeable. With this current round of chemotherapy plus one more there is a chance that the loss will be significant by mid-October. The bummer is that I will be done with the chemo by then - so right when I'm feeling good and recovering from 4 1/2 months of hell is when I will look the sickest. So, I decided it was time to go to the pros and ask for help.

I'm not sure why I was afraid of this place. This was a really fun experience! I got to sit in the special make-up application chair with my own mirror and make-up artist. I had decided before I got there that there was no way I was buying and applying fake eye lashes. I don't have the patience or desire to glue something to my eye lids. So my search was for products to fill in my thinning eyebrows and highlight my eyes without lashes/mascara.

Who new there were so many easy solutions?! (I sound like a kid in a candy shop, don't I?) For eyebrows I tried a pen that you use to draw in fine hairs. It did the trick, but the color wasn't exactly right. I settled on wax and powder. You apply a thin coast of wax from a wax pencil over the brow and then eyebrow powder with a small make-up brush. The powder sticks to the wax and voila! the brows appear full.

For my eyes, the make-up artist suggested I use my daily mascara sparingly only on special occasions. This is because the more I handle them during application and rub them to remove the make-up the higher the chances I'm pulling them out and causing even more damage. Makes sense - but breaking a 20 year habit won't be easy! We tried a few eyeliner colors and she showed me the correct way to line my eyes. When I left there I had a bag full of goodies and a lot less cash. But, now I feel like when I walk down the street at least you'll all be staring at my eyes and not my foob! I'd still rather spend the money on Chargers apparel, but removing the worry of looking sick from missing eyebrows was well worth it.

Round 5

The best thing about being in this chair hooked up the IV for the next 6 hours is that 3 weeks from now will be my last chemo session! This is round 5 of 6. Easy! I haven't posted anything new since the last round even though I promised I would... you missed another fever but everything else was easy. The weekend after round 4 was uneventful. I was tired, but not as nauseous as I usually am. But on Saturday night of Labor Day weekend I felt like hell and had a fever of 101.5. Anything over 100.5 means a call to the doctor and a trip to the emergency room. I tried to sleep it off, but the fever was still there on Sunday morning, so I called the doctor. Since I was feeling ok except for the fever she had me go to the infusion center for some blood labs to see what was going on. My white blood count was really low so she prescribed some antibiotics. I was able to convince her that I would report if the fever went any higher or if I had any pain. She sent me home with my antibiotics and the fever broke the next day. Other than that, everything else was business as usual.

I woke up yesterday morning and heard the kids chatting. Ryan asked Jake where I was. Jake replied that I was still sleeping and that they should let me sleep because I would be getting my bad medicine tomorrow and it makes me sleepy. I was very touched to hear Jake taking care of me, but also sad that my kids are worrying about me. It just motivated me to be even stronger so that I can be a great mom despite my energy level or how I'm feeling.

Unfortunately there's no new foob news. I know some of you tune in just for that. And other than the complete destruction of my Chargers on Monday night, everything is good. Thank you to everyone for all of your support!

Round 4 Done

Yes, I've been lagging on my blog. I have a good excuse though since I've spent the past 2 weeks moving, unpacking and painting. I am also blaming the move for my complete failure to reach my goal of listening to the positive imaging tapes 3 times per week. I haven't even listened once since the last blog. Lame...

I survived the fourth round (of 6) on Wednesday. As usual the day started with an appointment with my oncologist. He said everything is still going great. He's a bit concerned about school starting for the kids and me since elementary school and preschool are such petri dishes for germs. I'll have to be extra vigilant about hand washing and drown my kids in embarrassing amounts of antibacterial gel.

Then it was up to the cafe for a bagel and juice (since I had an hour to kill before my infusion center appointment). I got settled in my cozy recliner around 11:00 (1/2 hour late). I had a wonderful nurse who was training a new chemo nurse, so everything had to be explained in painful detail. It took forever! Plus, the lab at the infusion center was down, so my blood work had to be sent to Thornton Hospital, which also slowed down the process. So, to receive 3 1/2 hours worth of meds (if you generously add an hour for blood draws, port flushing and anti-nausea meds that's still only 4 1/2 hours) I was there for 6 1/2 hours. Including my doctor's appointment and bagel stop, I spent 8 1/2 hours at UCSD! I mean I like the place, but that's a tad ridiculous.

My blood work was similar this time to round 3. The chemo is lowering my potassium levels, so I had to swallow 4 bright yellow horse pills and receive another list of foods that are high in potassium (no bananas are not even close to the top of the list - try tomato paste and leafy greens). The other issue is my hemoglobin. Hemoglobin stimulates red blood cell production and when that's low you are anemic. It is a common side effect from the continuous doses of chemotherapy to become anemic. I've been researching natural ways to increase my hemoglobin and red blood cell production because the nurse was talking about putting me on medication to increase it and if that doesn't work to have a blood transfusion (worst case). I'm not a big medicine fan. I don't like taking one medication and that causes a side effect so you take another one to ease that effect that in turn causes another... If I can choke down more leafy greens (mmmmm, my favorite - see positive imaging at work) then maybe I can avoid the whole mess.

The only other side effect news is something I'm choosing to call Sleeping Ovaries (because I'm much too young to use the "M" word - temporary menopause) I know - outrageous right! The chemotherapy has caused my ovaries to take a well deserved nap. The hope is that they wake up refreshed after chemo is done and continue to do whatever it is they do until I'm the appropriate age to blog that word again.

I ordered a fantastic shirt online last week (thanks Alex for the link!) that has the big pink breast cancer awareness ribbon on the front and in big black letters says "Hell yeah they're fake! The real ones tried to kill me!" I love it! Speaking of foobs, I set my reconstructive surgery date for December 3. I am very excited to have it scheduled as that signals the end of all this cancer crap (except for the 12 months of herceptin infusions, but I'm choosing to ignore those for now). The only problem with that date is it means I'll be missing another home Chargers game this season! In the 14 years of my season ticket holder status, I have missed exactly 1 home game since I was busy birthing a child. (Yes, I should have planned that pregnancy better!) This season, I will be missing 2 games! So far, as a season ticket holder I have missed 1/140 games for a 0.7% absence rate. By the end of this season, I'll have missed 3/150 games for a whopping 2% absence rate. I've already alerted the team and explained the situation, so they are not distracted when they look into the stands and notice that I'm not there. I don't want to be blamed for Norv's poor playoff preparations - but that's another blog...

So, today I'm feeling good. Just a bit tired. I'll get more tired as the day goes on and will spend tomorrow feeling crappy moving from the bed to the couch. But by the middle of next week I'll be back to avoiding the positive imaging tapes with more unpacking. Thanks to everyone for all of your support!