Wigs and Positive Imaging

I am 12 days into round 2 of chemotherapy and feeling great. Once I get through that first week, everything seems to be pretty close to normal. I've been running a few times, so I feel good about that. Days 10-14 are when my blood counts are at their lowest, so I'm the most susceptible to germs and getting sick. I've become slightly neurotic about anti-bacterial gel and hand washing, but I'd rather be neurotic than sick.

My hair is very thin and continuously falling out. I don't know if I'll end up completely bald, but it will definitely be close. I took my wigs (the girls) to my hair dresser on Friday and she lovingly spent more than 2 hours shaping them and thinning them out. They are so much easier to wear now! Plus I had a blast getting 4 haircuts in one afternoon. I wore the short blonde wig first and she didn't even recognize me. Once that one was fixed (bangs needed a trim) I took it off to put on the next one. She started laughing because she thought I was going to want to hide in the bathroom so no one would see my bald head. Me? Hide? No way! Especially when I can scare the hell out of the women sitting next to me who have no idea that my hair's about to come off. I saw some pretty surprised faces! Anyway, I now have 4 very wearable and more comfortable girls - all look very different - so I have to decide which person I'm going to be each morning. It's more fun than I thought wig wearing would be - although itchier too.

I am spending some time researching positive imaging. I've realized my brain is working against me to make me sick. For example, whenever I smell rubbing alcohol I feel nauseous. I also get nauseous when I look at my anti-nausea meds. Even on a day like today when I feel completely fine. If I look at the pill bottles, I have a negative physical reaction and have to put food in my stomach to stop the nausea. I know it's all in my head, but telling myself that doesn't make it not happen. So, I've decided that if my brain can make sick, than it surely can also make me well. I would like to learn how to look at a piece of cheesecake and feel instantly energized and healthy. Why not? Has anyone read the positive imaging book by Norman Peale? That seems to be the go-to positive imaging book and has good reviews. I'm going to grab a copy this week and start reading. I'm not good at sitting still or meditating, so I need to find a way to train my brain that will fit into my type-A world. If Pavlov can train dogs to do it, then I certainly am trainable!

Thanks for all of your support!

Day 5, Round 2

Round 2 of chemotherapy has definitely been harder than the first. Receiving the drugs on Wednesday was the same, actually a bit faster (4 1/2 hours). I took the anti-nausea drugs Thursday and Friday around the clock just in case. Saturday I had a killer headache and slept off and on all day. I didn't feel nauseous, so I didn't take the anti-nausea pills. I woke up around 11:00 on Saturday night in complete misery. It was as if the worst flu I ever had hit all at once - I was nauseous and sweating, and dizzy. I quickly took one of the anti-nausea pills and laid on the bathroom floor where I remained for about 3 hours. I eventually made it to the couch and then back to bed. Sunday morning I felt much better, just really tired. As the day went on, I felt better and better and today am feeling fine. I am having the metal taste/sore tongue thing going on again, but that should be gone in a few days. I would write that so far there hasn't been any of the horrible acne, but I don't want to jinx it, so I won't write it. My skin also hasn't been as dry, but I've been using tons of face cream to try to prevent it this time. Hopefully it's working.

I also have exciting news! I was in line at Lowes earlier in the week wearing my short blonde wig. A woman who was not wearing glasses and did not appear to be mentally challenged asked me if I had just had my hair done because it looked really cute! I felt like the heavens opened up and angels were singing. I spend my day questioning everyone in my mind "Can she tell it's a wig?" "Does he know it's a wig?" "Can you tell it's a wig?" (No, I'm not yet confident in my new hair... ) So, when this woman standing 4 feet from me asked about my hair, I almost kissed her! Of course, I had no idea what to say, so I said, "Oh, it's a wig!"

Round 2

Just got settled in my recliner for round 2 of chemotherapy. I saw my oncologist this morning and had a good appointment. I was reprimanded for not going to the emergency room when I had my 102 fever. I was told that if it happens again (which I am at risk for) I should go immediately to the emergency room. OK, message received. My doctor was proud of me for shaving my head and even more impressed I did it following the no-alcohol rule. Props for me! He also tentatively approved my trip to Seattle in September for Stephanie's birthday and the Chargers Seahawks game. I need to have my blood work done this month at the same time my trip would be during round 5. If my labs show my blood counts are strong then he said he would assume they will be in the same place during round 5 and approve my travel - hurray! He made a big point of saying that my blood counts determine my travel schedule, not a pre-purchased plane ticket. In other words, anything can happen and the labs rule. I'm OK with that. I also complained and whined about the dry, flaky skin and acne I experienced in the 1st round. He said the dry skin was caused by the chemo, but that the acne was most likely caused by the steroids (I take steroids for 3 days at the beginning of each round of chemotherapy). It is good news that it's not the herceptin causing it which means I won't have to deal with it for an entire year - just 5 more times. He even said it may not happen again - my fingers are crossed!

Earlier this week I saw my surgeon and had my foob pumped up to it's new and final size. My surgeon actually said, "since the other one is so small, I think we've reached maximum capacity". Hey, it may be small, but it managed to earn beads at OTL in the late 90's, nourish 2 children and put me in this chair receiving chemotherapy drugs, so I guess size doesn't mater in this case. Anyway, the good news is that I'm on the books for surgery in late November - 20-year-old boobs here I come!

My oncologist said I should tolerate this round the same as round 1, except the fatigue could be worse since it's cumulative. So I'll be napping most of the weekend, which is not a bad way to spend a lazy summer afternoon. Thanks for your prayers and support!

Bye-bye Hair

Hair shedding in my bed, on my clothes, on the furniture, whatever. When hair starts shedding in your food, you know there's a problem. I had about week left of hair, so decided to just cut it off. The boys cut whatever they could with the scissors and then I called Scotty to shave the rest (because he has the coolest hair around!) No tears and no margaritas! Thanks Scotty!

Maybe I Spoke Too Soon

After posting on the 5th how invincible I am, I spent the past day and a half in bed with a 102 fever and sore throat. Damn it! I much prefer invincible! I am feeling much better today. But, I am starting to believe that my hair is not immune to the chemotherapy. This morning I saw my hair on my pillowcase when my head was already out of bed. I grabbed my hair into a ponytail and ran my hand down to the end and was left holding a handful of hair. More proof that I am not invincible. I guess I'll be returning my wonder woman cape to the invincible store and donning a wig instead. Actually, I think I'll donate my wonder woman cape to my mom - she's spent the past 2 nights here taking care of my boys, my house, and me. She's the real super hero! Thanks Mom!

July 5

I hope everyone had a great 4th of July weekend! I'm feeling great and have even started running again. So you can all worry about someone else until my next round of chemo on the 14th :)