Round 4 Done

Yes, I've been lagging on my blog. I have a good excuse though since I've spent the past 2 weeks moving, unpacking and painting. I am also blaming the move for my complete failure to reach my goal of listening to the positive imaging tapes 3 times per week. I haven't even listened once since the last blog. Lame...

I survived the fourth round (of 6) on Wednesday. As usual the day started with an appointment with my oncologist. He said everything is still going great. He's a bit concerned about school starting for the kids and me since elementary school and preschool are such petri dishes for germs. I'll have to be extra vigilant about hand washing and drown my kids in embarrassing amounts of antibacterial gel.

Then it was up to the cafe for a bagel and juice (since I had an hour to kill before my infusion center appointment). I got settled in my cozy recliner around 11:00 (1/2 hour late). I had a wonderful nurse who was training a new chemo nurse, so everything had to be explained in painful detail. It took forever! Plus, the lab at the infusion center was down, so my blood work had to be sent to Thornton Hospital, which also slowed down the process. So, to receive 3 1/2 hours worth of meds (if you generously add an hour for blood draws, port flushing and anti-nausea meds that's still only 4 1/2 hours) I was there for 6 1/2 hours. Including my doctor's appointment and bagel stop, I spent 8 1/2 hours at UCSD! I mean I like the place, but that's a tad ridiculous.

My blood work was similar this time to round 3. The chemo is lowering my potassium levels, so I had to swallow 4 bright yellow horse pills and receive another list of foods that are high in potassium (no bananas are not even close to the top of the list - try tomato paste and leafy greens). The other issue is my hemoglobin. Hemoglobin stimulates red blood cell production and when that's low you are anemic. It is a common side effect from the continuous doses of chemotherapy to become anemic. I've been researching natural ways to increase my hemoglobin and red blood cell production because the nurse was talking about putting me on medication to increase it and if that doesn't work to have a blood transfusion (worst case). I'm not a big medicine fan. I don't like taking one medication and that causes a side effect so you take another one to ease that effect that in turn causes another... If I can choke down more leafy greens (mmmmm, my favorite - see positive imaging at work) then maybe I can avoid the whole mess.

The only other side effect news is something I'm choosing to call Sleeping Ovaries (because I'm much too young to use the "M" word - temporary menopause) I know - outrageous right! The chemotherapy has caused my ovaries to take a well deserved nap. The hope is that they wake up refreshed after chemo is done and continue to do whatever it is they do until I'm the appropriate age to blog that word again.

I ordered a fantastic shirt online last week (thanks Alex for the link!) that has the big pink breast cancer awareness ribbon on the front and in big black letters says "Hell yeah they're fake! The real ones tried to kill me!" I love it! Speaking of foobs, I set my reconstructive surgery date for December 3. I am very excited to have it scheduled as that signals the end of all this cancer crap (except for the 12 months of herceptin infusions, but I'm choosing to ignore those for now). The only problem with that date is it means I'll be missing another home Chargers game this season! In the 14 years of my season ticket holder status, I have missed exactly 1 home game since I was busy birthing a child. (Yes, I should have planned that pregnancy better!) This season, I will be missing 2 games! So far, as a season ticket holder I have missed 1/140 games for a 0.7% absence rate. By the end of this season, I'll have missed 3/150 games for a whopping 2% absence rate. I've already alerted the team and explained the situation, so they are not distracted when they look into the stands and notice that I'm not there. I don't want to be blamed for Norv's poor playoff preparations - but that's another blog...

So, today I'm feeling good. Just a bit tired. I'll get more tired as the day goes on and will spend tomorrow feeling crappy moving from the bed to the couch. But by the middle of next week I'll be back to avoiding the positive imaging tapes with more unpacking. Thanks to everyone for all of your support!

Positive Imaging

I couldn't find a positive imaging book that included my cheesecake healing idea, so instead I ordered the Fighting Cancer tape from Healing Journeys (thanks for the suggestion K2!). I have only listened to it a few times since it requires sitting still and concentrating and that's not something I do often. But, the point is to learn to slow down and take care of myself, so I've set a goal to listen at least 3 times a week (they suggest twice a day). It starts in your calm, happy place. Mine is on a grassy hill overlooking the ocean in Wailea in my private cabana on my comfy lounge chair watching the sea turtles swim by. I can hear their fins lapping the water as they slowly pass. Of course there is a bottomless pina colada with a slice of pineapple and a pink paper umbrella at my side. The tape says to picture a warm peaceful beam of light from the sky that grows larger until it embraces you. From the surrounding light you can feel a warm healing energy throughout your body. Then there are gentle light beings around you who offer healing powers. At first I pictured the aliens from Cocoon, but then the tape suggested they were people who have loved you. I am a big believer in guardian angels, so it was an easy switch from Cocoon aliens to visualize my grandparents, great grandparents and brother who are bathed in white light. They surround me and I feel their energy. The light soaks through my body and I visualize my cells. The tape suggests that the cancer cells are chaotic and confused. To me chaos is fast and suggests uncontrollable cells, so I prefer to picture the cancer cells as big, slow and dumb. I know it contradicts the aggressive nature of the disease, but it works better for my brain. So the big, slow, dumb cancer cells are attacked by my blood cells. I see the blood cells as stingrays that stick their barbed tails into the cancer cells. The tape suggests the cancer cells become small thread-like waste. I prefer to think of them as shriveling up to look like raisins. Then the raisins are whisked out of my body through the natural waste disposal system (I don't visualize that part). It is relaxing to listen to the woman's voice on the tape and kind of fun to visualize the destruction of my cancer cells. I'm not sure if it helps my healing, but it definitely can't hurt, right?

In hair news, I survived my first Chargers game wearing a wig. I chose the short, blonde wig and my section mates said my hair looked "sassy". I'll take that :) I noticed while going through the security line that everyone wearing a hat was asked to lift it up so security could look underneath. Now I'm rethinking my hat hair/Chargers hat combo for day games (the hat hair only goes around the sides of my head - the rest is covered by the hat - it's cooler than wearing a wig) I don't really want to be flashing my nearly bald head to a line of drunk fans. I'll be missing the home opener due to chemotherapy, and there's not another home game until October, so I have time to devise a solution. And just to be clear (since I've been asked) even though the signature color for breast cancer is pink, there is no way I'll be wearing a pink Chargers jersey. Pink has no place in the NFL (or any sport really other than golf, which is really more of an activity than a sport anyway...)

Thank you for all of your support. I've survived the hard part of round 3, so it's all down hill from here!

Chemotherapy - Round 3

Today is my 3rd round of chemotherapy - that means I'm halfway done! Hurray! Had a good meeting with my doctor this morning. Health-wise everything is great - I'm tolerating the meds well. The bad news is he is highly discouraging my planned trip to Seattle for Steph's birthday and the Chargers game. I had my labs done last weekend to correspond with when I would be traveling during the 5th round of chemo. To travel my blood counts needed to be between 1000 and 1500. Mine were 68 (no I did not forget a 0). Very low. That means the chemo is kicking the hell out of my immune system. (At 50 I would be hospitalized for observation) I could overrule the doctor and go anyway, but 2 planes and a stadium full of people who live without sunlight is probably not the smart thing to do.

Anyway, I'm feeling good. I put on my long blonde wig yesterday to get some pizza and Jake said, "Mom! You look just like Hannah Montana!" I love that boy!